#they were always more her parents than adaine’s. and i think that was worse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

creacherkeeper · 3 years ago

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im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #WHO LET ME WRITE ALL THIS #does this even. fucking. make sense. who knows.#THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT

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cactusnymph · 4 years ago

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Prompt fill #10 for @dimension20alphabet:

Jitters / Joy

One of the most important lessons Gorgug has learned from his parents is to always talk about his feelings—not necessarily with his parents, but with someone, maybe even anyone, especially if it was something that makes him feel bad.

Gorgug learned that his parents are usually right about stuff like this when he simply gave up on talking about his rage issues—simply because his parents were never angry in their life and it had been frustrating to try and explain it to them. Instead of just going away, like Gorgug had hoped, his anger had become worse.

Now he has Zelda and Ragh to talk to when his anger feels overwhelming or shameful or scary. And his parents were right.

Talking about his feelings helps.

Or, in this special case, freaking out with either one of those two or both of them was really good to keep his anger in check in the long run.

Sometimes finding the right person to talk to about a specific problem is a challenge. He has tried to breach his recent conundrum with Fig, but she only stared at him with blank eyes and seemed so confused that Gorgug decided that she wasn’t the right person for the job. To be fair, maybe she was still scarred from that whole debacle with her mom and Garthy. Or maybe she is just so in love with Ayda that she can’t imagine being in his position at all.

Finally, Gorgug decides on Jawbone.

Jawbone is great to talk to for a big variety of topics, although sometimes Gorgug just prefers talking to someone his own age. But in this case it seems unlikely to find someone and Jawbone is perfect simply because Gorgug knows that Jawbone has experience with the topic that’s keeping Gorgug up at night.

That topic being polyamory.

When he first heard about it in relation to Jawbone he hadn’t really known what it meant, so he asked Adaine about it. Adaine who—in Gorgug’s book knows about almost everything—didn’t disappoint and explained that some people are in a relationship with more than one person.

Gorgug still remembers the feeling in his stomach that reminded him of missing a step on one of the stairs at school or the first few seconds of an elevator moving down. He identified the emotion as excitement, which then led to guilt towards Zelda.

Feelings are really complicated.

He walks around in front of Jawbone’s office for what feels like an eternity and his nervousness gets worse the longer he walks, so finally he just rips the door open and forgets to knock.

Jawbone is eating a salad and chokes on a lettuce leaf when Gorgug nearly pulls the door off its hinges before quickly entering.

“Um—sorry”, he says sheepishly and scratches the back of his neck.

“Hey there, Gorgug. I would say come in, but...”, Jawbone chuckles and motions to one of the cozy armchairs standing in front of his desk. Gorgug sits down and tries not to accidentally break anything while his fingers nervously try to find something to occupy themselves with.

“What’s up, kiddo?”, Jawbone asks gently and puts his salad bowl aside.

“I guess I wanted to talk to you... about—um. About you being poly?”, Gorgug says, his voice a little higher than normal. He tries to calm his breathing but his stomach feels a little bit like someone dropped one of Fig’s bathbombs in there.

“About me being poly? Or about you possible being poly?”, Jawbone asks and Gorgug feels a flush on his cheeks.

“Yeah. I mean. About me, I guess.”

“Okay, that’s cool. So, tell me a little bit about that”, Jawbone says encouragingly and smiles at him, pushes his glasses up and leans back in his chair.

“Uh—well. I’m—hm. So, Zelda is my girlfriend. And I—I—uh. Iloveher. And. And it’s really good being with her and I don’t want to break up or anything. But—um. But I also like someone else? If that makes sense.”

“Yeah, that makes total sense to me, kiddo. So, have you talked to Zelda about liking someone else?”

“No. I’m scared to hurt her. Like, what if she thinks I don’t like her anymore because I like another person? Or if she thinks she’s not good enough as a girlfriend. She’s, like. Really awesome. I don’t want to make her feel bad. And—and I don’t know if that—if that other person... Um. If h—if they like me back at all.”

Jawbone is listening to him patiently and nodding along, like he knows exactly what Gorgug is talking about. It makes him feel a little less nervous and he finally manages to loosen his grip on the armrests of the chair.

“So, the most important things about polyamory are communication and consent, right? Truth being told, that’s the most important thing in any relationship, but if you’re potentially juggling more than one partner, then it becomes even more essential. And if you and Zelda trust each other, there should be no problem in expressing your feelings, right? Liking another person doesn’t have to take away from you liking Zelda. Just like you liking Riz doesn’t take away from you liking Fabian or Fig or Kristen or Adaine. And hey, maybe she will be a little shocked, or maybe she will say that she’s not poly, or doesn’t want to try. And it might end up staying a closed relationship, right? That’s entirely possible. But if she’s open for it and trusts you, then maybe you two can talk about it and you can think about telling that other person about your feelings too. It’s just important that everyone is open about their feelings and everyone knows about what’s going on, you know?”

Gorgug nods.

Being open about feelings is something he’s been working on anyway, and something he’s been taught since he was small. He thinks about what Jawbone said and it makes sense, that just because he has five friends, that doesn’t mean his love for them is diminished by liking other people too.

Now that he thinks about it, romance seems to be the only thing that has this pressure of being an exclusive thing. Parents are supposed to love all their children equally. Siblings might like some more than others, but Gorgug assumes that this doesn’t have anything to do with the number of siblings. He loves both of his dads, too.

It makes sense.

“I can give you some stuff to read, if you’re interested”, Jawbone says, watching him attentively as if to see if Gorgug is upset. But Gorgug, now that he has entangled his worries into words and said them out loud, and after thinking about what Jawbone said, feels an inexplicable sense of joy about his new understanding of things.

He’s not sure he would have gotten here on his own, but he’s learned that he doesn’t have to.

And the thought about having two partners is such a happy potential unfolding in front of him that he feels a smile spreading over his face.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I would like that”, he says. “Thanks a lot, Jawbone. I’ll—uh. I’ll talk to Zelda. And. And um—maybe then I’ll talk to... Ragh. Depending on how it goes with Zelda.”

Jawbone’s face breaks into a big smile and he reaches over the desk to clasp his clawed hand on Gorgug’s shoulder.

“I’ll have my fingers crossed for you, kiddo. Ragh is a good kid. And so are you and Zelda. I’ll lend you that book when you come over next time, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I feel like I might be over again soon”, Gorgug says and scratches the back of his neck as Jawbone chuckles.

“Well, I’m glad I could help you out, Gorgug. If you have any more questions, my door’s always open.”

“Thanks, Jawbone.”

“No problem, kiddo. And by the way? Welcome to the community.”

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #gorgug thistlespring #fanfiction #d20alphabet21 #jawbone o'shaughnessey #mi writes #is there a shipname for zelda gorgug and ragh??#if so i dont know it

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dapper-nahrwhale · 4 years ago

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Encourage you to write aus and post some stuff saw you say something about that so do it 💌

Asoakahag ok I did ask for that.

The most recent fantasy high au thats been invading my brain is an amusement park au where the bad kids all work there. Its got like no rules, actual children in charge of operating rides and being lifeguards and it's insane. It's kinda set in the 80s still with fantasy stuff tho (Mostly inspired by watching a bunch of action park documentaries)

(Starts off like a documentary, dialogue with intros and then flashbacks to scenes in between)

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"Oh, um, I am Gorgug Thistlespring and I was an employee for The Augefort Adventuring Park. I was in charge of the moving rides like coasters and stuff."

"Great. So what was your experience working there?"

"Well working there was not uh very safe?- Wait is Augefort going to see this because he already didn't like me much for some reason, but talking bad about him is just asking for trouble."

"I would think that won't be a problem now."

"Ah right, yeah, I forgot sorry."

"Thats fine. Now back to the question, what was it like?"

"When I worked there, well I was only there for a few seasons, my parents heard the rumors, well not rumors they were true, and got concerned about it all. Makes sense. I still miss it a bit though. Not much because yeah there were a bunch of injuries on the rides. Like that was a daily occurrence. People would get sent to the medic all the time I'm sure thay they got overwhelmed and didnt have enough supplies. I dont remember. Well Kristen would know more."

"Interesting, and what was you're job specifically?"

"Oh I was one of the crew who operated the rides and would fix them when they broke. Which was fairly often. I was not good at it. At first. I got better though. Because my parents are engineers and they taught me some. And probably not enough because I was a kid in charge of these huge electronic rides that never worked right."

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"Riz Gukgak, licensed private investigator."

"And former position please."

"... I was the guy that they would stuck in the Tube of Death to clean it out. I'm small so I could fit. It got pretty bloody in there even with all the water going through it. And I was stuck in the moter city circuit area most of the time. Unfortunately, that was next to the water areas and the smog from the moter cars and machines would get mixed with the chlorine of the pools and create this toxic cloud."

"Huh. I did not know that. What was it like working there? And why did you choose to work at the park?"

"Working there? It was wild. I mean you had just kids there, anyone who could look 14 would get hired to work the park. Child labor laws really meant nothing to them. Legally they did alot of messed up stuff. Insurance fraud, negligence, manslaughter at one point, cause you know how many people got hurt there? I mean some people died even. It was scary. And any lawsuit you could think up. Of course they won most of the suits."

"Well you certainly know alot. But you still didn't answered my questions."

"Oh I got a job there specifically to investigate all the weird stuff going on there."

"At 14?"

"At 14. I should not have been hired."

"Yes I agree to that."

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"Gilear Faeth, I was the lunch lad."

"Um I'm sorry, lunch lad?"

"Yes. That is what the children and Augefort called me. Quite alot. I was also the vice president, but mostly I was the lunch lad."

"Ok then hm." The sound of paper and pen writing down ferociously.

"Now what exactly did your job entail."

"Well one of the things I had to do as lunch lad was take all the week old stale hot dog buns and place them in a colander with hot water to make them less stale. But then they were soggy so I would put them in the oven."

"I'm sorry... what? No I meant what did you do as the vice president?"

"Oh much less than soggy hot dog buns. I actually had very little influence on the park. I would say I actually had such little influence that I was the lunch lad more than i was the vice president. In fact when I was vice president I had a much worse time and was fired and rehired so many times it was unbearable."

"Uh ok moving on."

"Actually my daughter got me the job of lunch lad and vice principal. Well she's not technically my daughter, Fig was raised by me but I am not biologically her dad. But she is very insistent that she is still my daughter and now has multiple dads."

"Yes, well the question-."

A crinkling sound from Gilears mike, muffles his voice.

"Apologies, but sir I think your mike is-"

"Oh, no"

A high pitched feedback sounds from his mike.

"Oh god someone please fix that!"

"I am so terribly sorry about this-"

"Cut his mike! God that sound!"

Static.

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"Kristen Applebees-O'Shaughnessey and I was the medic for the infirmary of the Adventure park. Well one of two medics. The other is my wife! I love her."

"Well ok then, is she available too right now?"

"Oh nah, Tracker has got this religious cleric thing to do. I mean could be doing that with her, but instead I'm talking to you about that old danger park."

"The Augefort Adventuring Park."

"Right that thing."

"Ok then, let's get to it."

"Well I don't really remember much."

"What do you remember?"

"Yeah I mostly would hook up with Tracker in the employee shed."

"I did not need to know that."

"Well that's what I remember the most of the park."

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"I am Fabian Aramais Seacaster-"

"Sir please stop shouting."

"Oh right. Sorry. Well I was the best lifeguard in the entire Adventuring park!

"Didn't multiple people get hurt on your watch? Many times? Not an isolated incident either. This happened many times. "

"Well yes but these things do happen. Isn't that just in the nature of adventure though! For exciting things to happen!"

"Not for a park no, generally its frowned upon when people get hurt."

"Well if people don't want to get hurt they shouldnt have gone to The Adventuring Park. It is very much dangerous."

"That is something we can agree on."

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"Well you should know who I am! C'mon!"

"Um I still need you to say it for the record."

"Ok! Well I'm Fig Faeth of Fig and the Sig Figs fame!"

"And your former position."

"I was supposed to be on the moter city thing but I'd usually dump that on Riz to do and go smoke or something."

"Yeah and Fig would always shirk her duties on me to go gods knows where."

"I'd go to the parking lot and throw bottles at the ground from the tall construction equipment. That was fun. Everyone did it. We just didnt invite Riz becaus he's such a buzzkill."

"Wait they did what without me? That's so dangerous. And I am not a buzzkill!"

"Oh Riz is not a buzzkill. He's more of a fun withholder. Like he will tell in you if you're having any fun."

"Thank you Fabian! Wait no I am fun."

"Please state your name and former position for the record."

"Adaine Abernant. And is this really necessary? I mean I dont mind doing it but-"

"Well yes. I want to discover everything about The Adventuring park to make sure something like it doesnt happen again."

"What do you mean 'happen again'?"

"I have been thinking about reopening the Park. Of course making everything much safer and less chaotic and less deadly."

"Oh that's going to be extremely difficult but I am very excited for you, [REDACTED]!

"Ah please refrain from using my name, as this is all supposed to be a surprise."

"Alright. Well if you want any help with it I would be perfectly fine with that."

"Thank you very much Adaine. I will take that into consideration. Now back to the questions."

#fantasy high #fh #dimension 20 #fantasy high au #my writing #ask thing #answer thing #aiajssgaga this took me likw hours to write but i think i reallly like it #wanna do scenes between things like at the park #the Augefort Adventuring park #anon #fh fic #fantasy high fanfic #might post rhis on ao3 once i figure out how to ahhagafas #actually very excited abt this cuz the narratoe idk if you can tell whi it is but yeah #figured out how to post on ao3 wooooww #idk how to tag on ao3 but

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jq37 · 5 years ago

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 19

The Ties That Bind

The penultimate Fantasy High: Sophomore Year episode is upon us and not a moment too soon. Seems a little counter-intuitive to seek comfort from these objectively wild current events we’re experiencing from a fictional Nightmare Forest but we know what we’re about so let’s jump back in and start with the death of a beloved main character.

Yay.

Rewinding back to two episodes ago, last we saw Kristen, she got stabbed through by a skeletal unicorn and died. We pick back up there and, as she’s dying, she feels a sense of pain, betrayal, and anger--very similar emotions to what Brennan told her the goddess was feeling with her Nat 20 Religion Check. Kristen gets a vision of the goddess being destroyed in cracks of lightning by her own followers--the same vision Fig saw in the dream scrying pool when she scry-ed on Kristen last week--and then she wakes up on the chapel floor.

She’s not...dead exactly. But she’s not super alive either. She’s bleeding, but more oozing blood than the normal mechanical way of bleeding out because her heart isn’t beating. There’s a hole in her chest and, within it, her heart is crushed. Her skin is pale because the blood isn’t pumping through it properly anymore. Her breathing isn’t regular. And a piece of her finger tip (the piece taken by her friends for a possible Revivify) is missing.

She sees evidence of her friends having been in the room--footprints and the smashed wall--and to place this in the timeline, she can’t remember Fabian right now. When she checks her crystal, she sees it’s been 90 minutes since they walked into the forest. She does Cure Wounds on herself to stop the blood from dripping. Then she heads out towards the forest, passing the Oracular Pool Fig used in the last episode as she goes. She stops as she sees it and something in her heart glows with golden light. When she looks into the pool, she sees the sun reflected in the pool (and also Fig’s boot prints leading up to it). That’s weird because it is super not a Sol/Helio aligned Chapel/Area they’re in. She also sees the moon reflected and she feels like she’s being called in. It doesn’t necessarily feel safe but it feels like she might get some answers and also she already died today so how much worse can it get? She dives in and come up and when she does, she’s suddenly in the outer planes. Specifically, she’s in Elysium which is like the Neutral Good heaven. She hears a voice that she mistakes for her dad’s because of the major dad energy she’s getting from it: You can come home.

As she walks, she finds herself--as Kristen weirdly often does for some reason--in the presence of gods. Specifically, Sol (god of the Sun) and Galakaya (goddess of the Moon and his sister as we find out). Helio is also there, like the screw-up son of a CEO, hanging out in his office. Both of them are good gods but not neutral good so Kristen gets the sense that they brought her here to have a neutral place to talk to her.

Kristen is hilariously nonplussed by being personally Uber-d to heaven by arguably the biggest gods in the pantheon and when she is asked to take a walk with Helio so she can get some important information, she’s like, “Nooooo, can literally anyone else do it?” Galakaya agrees to do it instead.

They take a lap and she asks about Tracker. Galakaya says that Tracker isn’t dead but she’s in major danger. Then, she changes the subject. Has Kristen ever wondered where her spells have been coming from when she’s been between gods? Because, as Galakaya says, doubt is nothing. She reveals that even though Kristen rejected him, Helio has been providing Kristen spells this entire time. He sent the philosophers and the grad students to be her spirit guardians. Kristen rejected him but not the light. Galakaya likens it to a child running away from home to the front yard. Kristen isn’t too far gone. She can still come back to the fold. And, if she doesn’t want to be Helio’s champion, she can be hers instead and become a Moon Cleric, which would still be keeping it in the family. But that’s the problem Kristen has with it. Helio to Galakaya? It seems like more of the same--especially the way she’s been acting, like she would fit right in at a brunch table with Arianwyn and Anguin. Except, when Tracker comes up, Kristen notices she gets a little snarly, almost like a tic she’s trying to keep under control.

Kristen asks for her pitch, and it’s basically the same deal she was getting with Helio but with different window dressing. The Moon, sisterhood, and unquestioning obedience. Galakaya can’t see into Sylvere to check on Tracker like Kristen asks but if she had a Champion, say Kristen, she could send her all kitted up with new powers. She says she wants the Nightmare King dead more than anyone seeing as the Nightmare King killed her baby sister (the Mystery Goddess). She calls her baby sister sweet and sometimes confused, seeing as she thought destroying her name would make her more powerful. But Kristen knows that’s not what happened. It was her followers who destroyed her name as she desperately warned them not to. Some chicanery is going on.

She says she will take the job as Galakaya’s champion and when she makes like she’s going to pray to her to seal the deal, she instead reaches out to the mystery goddess again. The golden light in her chest disappears and is replaced with cool shadow. She feels shock from the goddess, that Kristen would still choose to reach out to her after she died at her hand. The goddess says, emotionally, “I’m sorry, I’m just so scar--” But, before she can finish the word, Galakaya grabs Kristen by the shoulder and snaps her out of it, face snarling and wolfed out. After a second, she composes herself and seems almost embarrassed that Kristen saw that, which makes Kristen realize what’s going on with her. Tracker is a cleric of Galakaya, but knowing Tracker, she wouldn’t worship someone so reeking of high elven prim and proper-ness. And she also knows what the number one rule of godhood is: As above, so below. Galakaya has basically been claimed as a high elven goddess. Which means that the vast majority of her followers aren’t like Tracker. They’re snooty high elves. Which means so is she and her wolf part is still there, but it’s buried and distasteful to her now.

Which, coincidentally, is how Kristen feels about this entire godly family. She “respectfully declines” both of their offers. And by “respectfully declines” I mean she socks Helio in the face and makes a run for it. Sol, full of rage, says, “I told you that kid was trash! Now get her!” The philosophers on Sol’s payroll look at each other and instead mob him (why is the literal sun god so easy to 1v1?) and help Kristen escape. As she does, Helio calls out after Kristen something she kind of already sensed upon arriving in Elysium. Most people are a soul in a body. But Kristen, at the moment, is a soul *as* a body. If she dies again, with no god to intercede for her, she’s dead-dead. No afterlife. But that’s not enough to make her stay. She keeps running and makes it to the pool. For the first time, she feels herself fully cut off from her spells.

Back in the cave in Sylvere, Kristen chats with the Philosophers. They tell her they were working for Sol so they couldn’t tell her what the deal was but they were always rooting for her. One of the philosophers quotes her own words back to her: Doubt can’t be a belief but it can be a practice. And as she says this, she turns Kristen’s Shepherd's Crook cool and metallic and turns it into a question mark. She can’t hold doubt in her heart but she can hold it in her hand (stats for the Staff of Doubt below; also what a sick line from Brennan).

She knows that to get to the center of the forest where she needs to be, she has to follow her fear, so she goes in the direction she doesn’t expect to find Tracker.

Shifting gears, we find Gorgug and Fabian at the mouth of the cave (and no longer high on duskmoss) in their floating rock island surrounded by the others. They see that there are other openings and decide to check them to see if they can find any of their friends. They spend a good two hours, tied together and climbing this rock face which is some extremely solid male bonding. When they reach the cave they were aiming for, they find Baxter, riddled with arrows they know to be Sandra-Lynn’s. He’s dying but not dead. I am outraged at Brennan until I learn a fact that I don’t think has come up until now: Artificers get spell slots. Which means that Gorgug has Cure Wounds. He only cures him for 3 points but that’s enough to stabilize him at least so we can all stop sharpening the pitchforks. However, Baxter is clearly dejected and confused. He has no idea why Sandra-Lynn would suddenly turn on him. So maybe the pitchforks are still called for.

They want to leave Baxter in the cave so he can rest up but, on a 1 Animal Handling, Baxter absolutely demands to follow them. It’s faster than climbing at least. They do so.

And we switch again, this time to the Abernants.

Adaine is still trapped in a prison orb and barred from doing most of her spells. She can, however, do the Message cantrip and Aelwyn is still in the room along with Anguin. She Messages Aelwyn and asks, What’s going on? Why is she working with their parents still? Aelwyn replies that she doesn’t like her parents but she does love them. Doesn’t Adaine? “They don’t love me,” Adaine shoots back. Aelwyn parrots back ideology that she’s clearly learned from her parents: Love has to be earned. What value does something that hasn’t been earned have? Adaine, fresh off of therapy and with full knowledge of Aelwyn’s broken psyche, fully calls her out. She is so closed off to love, to everything that abjuration is her school of magic. Aelwyn tries to wave her off but Adaine, very seriously, says, “I don’t love our parents but despite the fact that you have not earned it, I do love you.” Aelwyn fully dissociates (and I’m not far behind).

Adaine notices that Anguin is readying some kind of Sending spell and that he’s wearing a sword that he usually doesn’t have. He tells Aelwyn to ransack her sister’s brain for the info they need from her while he prepares her punishment. Aelwyn, clearly in a slight panic, tries to (not at all) casually persuade Anguin to just leave Adaine in the orb, unharmed, when they are done with her. She tries to do it in a, “This isn’t worth our time,” kind of way but betrays herself when she blurts out, “She’s a baby!” Anguin raises a hand at her and she flinches, apologetically casting Detect Thoughts on Adaine who has already (via Message) said she’d support her no matter what she did.

Enter, Adaine’s Mindscape: A series of interconnected rooms--and her Aelwyn’s rooms--repeated over and over. Adaine has her surface thoughts be all of her memories of Aelwyn *almost* being nice to her and then pulling back at the last second for fear of her parents. Aelwyn doesn’t press deeper than these thoughts and says that if Adaine’s goal was to humiliate her then she’s done so. But that’s not what Adaine wants. She wants to rebuild their relationship. They’re gonna be sisters for the rest of their quasi-immortal lives. These memories suck but they can make new ones.

And then, through a window, Aelwyn sees another memory. The memory of herself in the hot-tub post Calethriel Tower rescue mission. She doesn’t remember this because of the events in the memory itself. Adaine went into her mind and, at her written instructions, reboot her memory and personality. They’re able to Inception themselves into Adaine’s memory of Aelwyn’s mind and they walk through it. Aelwyn is confronted with the knowledge that this is how she is and that Adaine knows this. Siobhan, from her sniper perch, gets the kill order from Brennan to take the shot directly into my chest.

“Would you be my big sister? I would really, really love to have you as a big sister.”

So now it’s both Kristen and me who have crushed hearts this episode.

Aelwyn fully loses concentration on the spell and snaps out of it. When Anguin asks for the information, she, on full glassy-eyed autopilot, says she didn’t find it. Anguin decides to go for the nuclear option, readying a bolt of magic to throw at Adaine. “Prepare to be better, dear, sweet daughter.”

The magic races at her, ready to do something Stepford-ian to her mind I’m sure, but, suddenly, Aelwyn steps forward, still out of it but following her true, deeply buried but natural protective instincts. Protective magic covers Adaine and the spell is Counterspelled.

Adaine quickly dispels her orb but then it’s Anguin’s turn and he goes for Aelwyn. Adaine attempts to return the favor she has just been given and Counterspells but Anguin Counterspells her Counterspell and Lightning Bolts Aelwyn. The second before she’s hit, Aelwyn looks at Adaine and says, “I’m sorry”. She goes down.

Adaine’s turn.

And, if you recall, Adaine just received two boons: A bonus to her Strength score and a little spell called Adaine’s Furious Fists.

And, my dude, if Adaine has ever been furious in her life, it’s now.

5th Level. And it’s a strength saving throw but, just to be certain of her success, Adaine gives her undoubtedly weak father her 4 Portent roll. That’s 10d10 damage.

77 points of damage.

She charges forward at Anguin.

“Guess what bitch? I’m strong now.”

And she full Dragon Ball Z energy punches her dad, dealing more than double his max HP. You know what that means? Ding Dong the bitch is FULLY DEAD.

Deed done, she rushes to Aelwyn’s side and gives her her 11 portent roll for her first death save (super clutch use of a mediocre portent). Then, on an 18 Medicine check, stabilizes her without the need for any more checks. Aelwyn is immediately weepy about how she doesn’t deserve the kindness she’s being shown. Adaine, again, gently says that love isn’t about deserving or not deserving, though she definitely doesn’t deserve the crappy situation she’s in right now. And, maybe when this is over, she can exchange her bed for a bunk bed and Aelwyn can move in? If Aelwyn wasn’t crying before, she super is now, and spilling her guts. She’s the one who sank she ship the previous elven oracle was on, she worked for Kalvaxus and Kalina--things Adaine is willing to attribute to being under the thumb of evil, abusive people but that Aelwyn seems desperate to atone for. She gives Adaine an important piece of information for their mission: In the past, heroes going after the Nightmare King have failed because they failed to undo all five curses. They need to make sure they do that.

Adaine gives Aelwyn the tincture she has on her, freeing her from Kalina’s influence, and then Aelwyn gives her one more piece of information before she slips into unconsciousness. Before Aelwyn had the previous Oracle killed, she was sure that Adaine was going to be the next Oracle and she told Kalvaxus that. Why was she sure? Because the elf that becomes the next Oracle is always the most skilled Diviner alive at the time.

“I love you too,” Adaine replies.

Then she nicks the dope sword (and 30 gp) off her dad’s corpse, leaves Aelwyn there to rest, and goes to find her friends.

And, speaking of, let’s pop over to see how Riz and Fig are doing.

In a word, bad.

They’re still tied up and cornered by the skeletal unicorn who says they’re captured and soon their friends will be too. Nightmare Fig shows up with Baby (who is shortly tied up as well) and reveals herself to actually be this many-armed, snake-woman demon. A whole army of demons show up, ready to start wrecking house as soon as they’re ordered to.

Fig wants to try and use her lighter to set her bonds on fire and Riz wants to use his spy-watch to laser her bonds off. They both fail but Riz notices they’re not being stopped from trying. It’s like the demons want them to escape so they have an excuse to chase and kill them. He also notices a jiggling from his briefcase.

At the same time, Fig gets a Sending from Bill saying he just hawked all of Gorthalx’s stuff, including the six suits of magic armor. But, wait a minute. There were seven suits. On a Nat 1, she thinks Bill is screwing her over.

But then.

All of a sudden.

Riz’s briefcase of holding springs open and out pops a figure in gleaming gold Pride Armor. The armored figure, holding a brilliantly gold halberd, cleaves through some demons and the raises his visor showing that it’s none other than the chosen one himself--GILEAR! You see, the Deadly Sin armor feeds on its respective sin in the user and consumes them, but, as Gilear puts it, he has no pride.

He absolutely wrecks house, killing demon after demon. Riz records it on his tie-camera for posterity. Gorgug and Fabian on Baxter see the commotion and fly down, seeing the tail end of the fight. Gilear kills the last of the demons then gets spit out of the armor like it’s an Iron Man suit, fully dead. Again. He may have had no pride when he put the armor on but watching himself kick ass have him just enough to be fatal.

Fig gets free from her bindings and, on a 27 with Bardic from Fabian, beats the 25 DC she needs to make an illusory diamond (which turns into a real one) of high enough quality to cast Revivify. She does so, after a heartfelt statement about being proud to be like him and a sick lick on her bass.

Gilear comes back up and we learn that he’d been hiding in RIz’s briefcase with the armor since they sent him away because it was the only way he could think of to be useful to them and protect Fig. Fabian and Riz (along with the audience) also unfortunately learn that Gilear is hung like a horse when they fail their saves to look away quickly enough.

Adaine rushes in with her new sword and the information that she killed her dad which everyone congratulates her for. She then ritual casts Identify on the sword. Aelwyn told her earlier that it’s the sword that belongs to whoever the current Oracle is and she also learns it’s called the Sword of Sight, it can be used as an arcane focus, and was made by Fabian’s Grandad (full stats below).

Riz gets the footage from his tie onto his crystal and posts it on Fig’s account which has got to be the wildest social media account on Magic Facebook.

The Bad Kids are mainly reunited, but let’s get back to the final missing member.

Kristen, alone in the woods, starts using her blood to draw a picture of the Mystery goddess. She hears a creepy voice say, “Be careful what you give a face,” and some other ominous stuff. But Kristen ignores it as she lies prostrate in front of her drawing because she understands something extremely important.

As above, so below.

Galakaya is worshiped primarily by stuck up high elves, so she has become that.

If Kristen is now the only follower of the Mystery goddess and she says that she’s real and she’s good then as above, so below. The math checks out.

The bloody image changes to a beautiful woman’s face. The Mystery goddess. She says she only ever wanted to comfort her followers and tell them that the night itself was nothing to fear. Kristen sees flashes of the chained Court of Elders--the representatives of the five races who worshiped the Mystery Goddess and were convinced to destroy her name (ignoring her warnings not to). Among them are the unicorn and the decaying elf Adaine saw in her Scry.

Fear of the NK breaks her out of the vision and she finds herself surrounded by Twilight (that she’s generating) with Tracker in front of her, fully wolfed out with a bloody muzzle. Tracker is going feral, all, “You’re so selfish, everything is always about you.” Something is going wrong with her. Now, good news/bad news:

Good News: Kristen is fully committed to this Mystery Goddess so she gets her spells back and she is now a Twilight Domain Cleric.

Bad News: She goes Invisible (eliciting a, “Why are you running? I knew you would leave me. Why won’t you accept me like I am?” from Tracker) and tries to cast Greater Restoration but all she needs is a 4 and she rolls a 3. Tragic.

She finds that she is insubstantial still and is whisked away from a snarling and lamenting Tracker. As she is traveling, she sees the face of the Nightmare King who asks why she would follow a dead goddess whose path is just going to make her life harder. Kristen feels a pang of doubt and fear that she has just done exactly what her religious upbringing warned her against and put herself and her friends in grave danger for no reason by straying from the path, but then she has another classic Kristen-ism: Everyone is basic and wrong. She’d rather follow a goddess who is like, “Hey y’all, I also don’t have it all figured out but I will for sure do all I can to help you navigate it,” than a god who demands unquestioning faith and loyalty. And with that, she finds herself floating above her friends.

She feels the pull of her missing finger bone in Adaine’s pocket and she feels like it might be impossible for her to fully, properly, come back but on the other hand, she’s died like three times at this point. What does impossible even mean? She gets the sense that she can cast Raise Dead on herself and she does so.

Welcome back to the Bad Kids, St. Kristen Applebees of [REDACTED], halo aglow, newly reattached finger shedding a bit of light.

(“That’s hot for being gay,” Ally says about Kristen’s new glow.)

Everyone hugs everyone and catches up everyone on everything. Kristen heals up Baxter for 20 HP and gets a +2 bump on her Intelligence mod for her ordeals in the forest. They all make a plan to get everyone in one place so Kristen can put some of her new AoE healing spells to use. Fig wants to go on Baxter to get Ayda. Adaine, bringing us full circle, invites Fabian on a rescue mission to get her sister.

And we take a break.

Deep breath y’all.

Detention

Brennan for Cursing us With Knowledge About Gilear’s Penis

@allsevenmaidens put this very reasonable request in and I have to concur because what’s the alternative? Giving Anguin this spot AGAIN? Like, I don’t even want to give him the satisfaction of being the best of the worst. Adaine gave him the death penalty which is what he deserves and all he’s gonna get.

So, Brennan gets this spot for forcing me to hear the words “Gilear” and “hung like a horse” in the same sentence.

Honor Roll

Gilear for Kicking SERIOUS Ass

Listen, SO many Honor Roll-worthy moments happened this episode. Kristen’s Amazing As Above, So Below moment. Aelwyn finally stepping up to protect Adaine. Adaine absolutely obliterating Anguin in a single punch.

But, at the end of the day, I have to give it to Gilear “Just a Guy” Faeth for cramming himself and a suit of cursed armor into a mostly airless briefcase out of desperate need to do whatever he could to help protect his daughter and her friends who are basically demigods. He truly is the Anti-Anguin and I’m so glad Riz got that on tape for posterity. Way to go man.

Random Thoughts

I already wrote so many words and we have a five hour finale tomorrow so I’m going to try and keep this section brief.

We’re staring down the barrel of the last episode (coming Friday at 8PM EST) and I want to say this now rather than later: thanks for reading these and leaving nice comments in the tags and stuff like that. I’m not always the most confident person and the support really means a lot.

We’re also staring down the barrel of a global crisis right now so, you know, be nice to yourself and escape through fiction when you need to, reach out to people, and eat a vegetable if you can. Read a 5000 word recap of an episode you presumably already watched. Whatever you need to do.

The Staff of Doubt has ten charges and can cast the following spells at the cost of the amount of charges listed: Detect Magic (1), Lesser Restoration (2), Dispel Magic (3), Banishment (4), Greater Restoration (5).

The Sword of Sight gives +1 to attack and damage rolls. It gives a base 12 AC which bumps Adaine’s to 15. It lets her cast Divination cantrips as bonus actions. She gets to take the Dodge action when she casts a Divination spell. And she gets no disadvantage on attacks on Invisible creatures (seems very useful against Kalina possibly).

EDIT: I forgot to say! Gorgug saying very sincerely to Kristen, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” “there” being, “at her most recent death” broke me.

Where in the World is Ragh Backrock? We have at least an approximate idea of where the rest of the hirelings are but nothing on Ragh. I’m concerned. His vision was asking Gorgug if he was his dad. Maybe it has something to do with that?

Very curious about what the mechanics of the final confrontation will be. What Aelwyn said seems like it could be setting up for some shenanigans. Plus, there are still all the hirelings to worry about.

Another question, I feel like we still have almost no idea what’s going on with the NK. Half of me is almost expecting some kind of Te Fiti/Te Ka situation. On another day I might try to speculate and play detective but that’s not where I’m at today so I’m just gonna leave it at that.

I feel like Kristen is always negging deities to their faces. Like, girl. Her Axe/Dove metaphor was *chef’s kiss* though. Anyway, when (hopefully) Tracker is back to normal, I hope Kristen has a take that’s different than, “I met your goddess and she sucked.”

Kristen makes me feel bad for Helio. He’s just a surfer dude who likes corn, OK. He never did anything to her except give her magic!

Didn’t have a good place to mention this earlier but Fig alerted Bill to their situation and location so if there’s a Bill Ex-Machina next ep, it’s not out of nowhere.

(Also, just a small point of order, Gorgug did say he had a bone from Kristen last ep but so did Adaine. Doesn’t really matter but just wanted to explain the mismatch with my last recap).

Making everyone roll a save to not see Gilear’s dick is so funny. As was Zac invoking danger sense to roll with advantage.

“I cast Spare the Dying on Gilear’s Penis.”

“I am no man,” from LOTR but instead it’s Gilear saying, “I have no pride.”

“Drink deeply Gilear.”

Why is Kalina working for the NK? She’s supposed to be the Mystery Goddess’s familiar, right? Just another thing that doesn’t add up. Where’s that puzzle piece we’re missing?

The thought of Baxter being so confused and dejected and fatally injured, not understanding what he did so wrong to have his mistress riddle him with arrows makes me wanna throw down with Brennan IRL. Also, I’m Concerned about Sandra-Lynn.

I need to say this on the record. Ally Beadsley does some bonkers things in D&D that I could not even begin to understand but that As Above So Below Gambit was Galaxy Brained.

You knew this was coming. Abernant Time Bay-Bee (the abridged version because I need to get this out before Friday)!

First off, I am very happy to say that basically exactly what I predicted/hoped for in my last recap for this scene is what happened, with Anguin making Aelwyn cast Detect Thoughts on Adaine. And basically EVERYTHING I had on my Abernant Sisters Reconciliation checklist was checked. The Detect Thoughts. The pointing out that they’re gonna live for a long time and do they want to do it at each other's throats? Aelwyn finally stepping up to the plate and leaning into her Abjurative Instincts in a positive way and shielding Adaine from their father. And then the stuff that I wanted so bad but didn’t know it. The bunk beds moment? The “I love you too” moment. “She’s a baby!” I mean, “Will you be my big sister?” F off Siobhan. That was beautiful.

A little concerned about Adaine having left Aelwyn unconscious so close to where their mom is but I am glad she remembered to cure her of Kalina.

When Brennan said, “In Aelwyn’s last moment,” for a second I thought he meant she was about to be perma-dead and my heart legit stopped.

I was up until about 2 AM last night, popping bottles with @camwritery (my Abernant Sisters confidant) about Brennan and Siobhan giving us everything we wanted and I’m going to get yelled at by her if I don’t mention something I said while we were talking. Last week, during the fireside chat, all of the players talked about what future lives/jobs they’d want for their characters. I posited the same question for Aelwyn and offered my answer--CPS Case Worker. Because, like, think about it. She is an extremely protective person. She wants to atone for what she did and failed to do for Adaine. When she gets all the therapy she needs, she’s going to be equipped with deep, personal knowledge of what abuse looks like/what it can do to a child and an extremely long lifespan. Can’t you see an adult Aelwyn, in the living room of a well appointed house, speaking cordially to some high class A-hole with his terrified kid sitting next to him, trying not to say anything or do anything that will get them punished and Aelwyn does a surface level Detect Thoughts at the same time so she can mentally kneel before the kid and tell them, “I’m on your side. You can be honest with me. I’m here to protect you. I promise. Don’t be scared.” This is all I want for her.

This episode Fig rolled one Nat 1 and Gorgug rolled two but one was cancelled with advantage. No Nat 20s were rolled.

#fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #fantasy high live #(kind of a rush job bc the next ep is so soon so def hit up my asks if I missed s/t you wanted to hear about)

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squidbatts · 5 years ago

Text

i'm not just a boy (i'm a-)

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster, grandson of Telemien Lomenelda, co-leader of the Bad Kids, captain of the Aguefort Owlbears, Master of the Hangman, conqueror of Kalvaxis.

or: of fear, duskmoss, and the forest of the nightmare king

((happy fh day, i wrote this while i was crying watching the episode so it Is canon divergent, but i related to fabian’s fears a bit too much to Not write about it))

{ao3}

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster, grandson of Telemien Lomenelda, co-leader of the Bad Kids, captain of the Aguefort Owlbears, master of the Hangman, conqueror of Kalvaxis.

You take a deep breath as Gorgug lights up the duskmoss, burying your want to chase after Riz because you think that this is the point of the forest, that this is what’s supposed to happen; it scares you, one of your crew running into the forest alone, even more than it scared you when Ragh disappeared. You think that worrying about Riz or Gorgug or Fig or Adaine or Kristen more than your other friends, the hirelings that you dragged on this quest with you, might make you a bad person. You can’t particularly find it in yourself to care.

You feel the smoke settle in your lungs, the fullness of it filling your chest. You hold it in, closing your eyes almost reflexively as it burns in your throat. Something inside you, base and afraid, remembers dragon fire on prom night, the feel of Adaine shaking against your back as you try to outrun Him on the Hangman. You shake the thoughts out of your head and breathe out.

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster, grandson of Telemien Lomenelda, co-leader of the Bad Kids, captain of the Aguefort Owlbears, Master of the Hangman.

You take another breath in, looking at your friends around you. Their presence is comforting, even though you can nearly feel the air between you all thrumming with nerves.

This summer, when Fig and Gorgug were on tour and Riz was doing detective stuff with the Elmville police and Adaine was working through things with Jawbone, you spent a lot of time alone, and then, a lot of time with the Hangman. You rode around on him to get information about Aelwen and to set up a crew, obviously, but even besides that, there was a lot of free time that led to you jumping on him and going. Going to half-pipes and highways, to bank around sharp corners and through narrow alleyways, to feel the wind on your face as you let your motorcycle run wild; going fast enough that your loneliness and your stress and your worries about your papa couldn’t catch you.

It was a summer of only you, escaping with the Hangman every second that you weren’t training with your mama. Just a fighter and his demonic mount.

You think, as you breathe out, that it suited you, honestly. You still would rather not be alone.

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster, grandson of Telemien Lomenelda, co-leader of the Bad Kids, captain of the Augefort Owlbears.

Ragh calls you “his QB” sometimes.

You know that’s what he called Dayne, you heard him yell it in the halls often enough to recognize it. You also know that it should unsettle you, that you should ask Ragh to stop or remind him that Dayne fucking Blayde was a douchebag and that you deserve your own moniker, unsullied by having belonged to him as well. You hope that you’re not becoming like Dayne, apathetic and cruel in turns, making people around you hide themselves in order to avoid your ire. It’s a terrifying idea, to become a nightmare creature with blank scarecrow eyes and a cold, shriveled heart.

Still, there’s something about Ragh being so excited that makes you keep all these worries deep inside.

You take a deep breath, feeling your ribs move as your lungs expand. You know that you’ll let Ragh keep calling you his.

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster, grandson of Telemien Lomenelda, co-leader of the Bad Kids.

You’re not the boss of the Bad Kids. You're all "co-leaders," really, and you make decisions together, for the best of the group. It works best this way, you think. The Bad Kids, your friends, aren’t afraid of you like your papa’s crew was afraid of him, not even a bit. You inhale and remember toddling around the original Hangman, a tiny half-elf with a too-big sword and a sharp need to be great enough for his papa’s legend. The crew smiled after you, but none of them ever got too close for fear of your papa’s mercurial moods.

It was a weird childhood, being the only kid on a ship of pirates, surrounded only by potential playmates that were decades older than you and the unforgiving sea.

In retrospect, you decide that you don’t like to think about it, actually. The past is best left in the past, isn't it?

Fig looks at all of you with dilated pupils and says that she’s going to cast a spell, a third-level Fear to help you all reach the center of the forest just a bit faster. Your hand shakes as you take off your father’s eyepatch and purposefully fail your saving throw. You exhale. You trust the rest of the Bad Kids implicitly.

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster, grandson of Telemien Lomenelda.

William Seacaster didn’t have any parents.

Or, well, that’s not true, you know that’s not true, because surely he had someone once upon a time, but your father never talked about his own parents.

In the distance, what feels like miles away, Gorgug says something about being afraid and coming for Kristen. You chant along, barely registering the words that you’re saying as you think about how your mama didn’t ever talk about her family either, really, besides one day when she looked at you, eyes strangely clear even as she took a deep gulp of her wine, and said “My father would love to meet you.”

She never introduced you to him back then, landlocked as the forests of the Lomenelda are; the Hangman went many places in your youth, but the Seacaster family wandered only the seas of Spyre, your ship going where the tide and the whispers of riches took you. Once, you thought you saw your mama twisting and twirling on the deck, spinning herself into a tornado under the pale light of the moon. Her hands opened and closed, clutching for something beyond the reach of even a woman as well connected as the beloved wife of the feared pirate Bill Seacaster. You feel like you were never meant to see her like that, but you still can’t keep the image out of your head in quiet, dark moments.

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill and Hallariel Seacaster.

Your parents love you.

You’re certain of that, you know that they’ve said it, that you’re their darling boy, that your mama is trying and your papa is dead and your mom is-

Wait. That’s not right.

Your mama is trying, your papa is dead, and Cathilda has always been there for you. Cathilda will always be there for you. You have a father and a mother and a Maid, that’s more than enough, as long as you have them. None of them are in this forest, confusing and dark, with you, though.

You take a deep breath in, the woodsy air filling your body. You look down at yourself, how you fade in and out of visibility. You watch as Adaine disappears between one blink and the next, as Fig tells Gorgug, “We need to find Adaine and Riz and Kristen” and doesn’t mention you at all.

When your hand goes through Gorgug’s shoulder, it’s almost a relief.

Your name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster.

You- You have a family. You have friends. You’re pretty sure that both of these statements are true.

You go to school, probably, unless… unless you live in this forest, in this grim place. You can’t imagine that there’s a school in here and, if you live here, then you must not go to school. Something, in the back of your mind, says that you don’t belong here, but you can’t remember anything before this, so you’re fairly certain that this is your world: you and the grass and the trees, you and the forest, you and nothing.

You take a seat on the cold ground as the world spins around you. You don’t think that the grass even bends against your weight.

Your name is…

Uh.

You know this. This is an easy one. Your name is...

It’s-

Fuck.

You’re-

You're... scared. It comes on you, suddenly, between one breath and the next, and you are so, so scared, more afraid than you ever have been. You don’t really remember being afraid, before, but you know this fear that holds tight to something in your chest is worse than anything you’ve ever felt before, and you hate it. You don’t know why and you don’t know how to stop it. You only know that it’s awful, terrible, and that you must feel it.

You are in a forest. The light is dim and the edges of the path are blurred by overgrown plants. You do not know your own name. You think you must have a name; everyone does, you know that at least.

You are sure you have a name.

You’re also sure, as you look at the blurred and pale outline of your own form, it probably doesn’t matter much anymore, to anyone.

#fantasy high #fantasy high live #fabian seacaster #fabian aramais seacaster #fantasy high spoilers #one shot

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grumpyhedgehogs · 4 years ago

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Honestly though, this would be just such a cool concept for new villains for the original bad kids. Like I know we got Fig dealing with her nightmare self in sophomore year but imagine if the original bad kids had to fight themselves next year? Or even better for angst, they’re each switched into the lives of their evil selves and have to a)find each other b) find a way back home and c)fight or fix whatever the evil bad kids have done in the original bad kids’ universe in the meantime.

Each of them has to face the worst version of themselves. Maybe they go through some kind of portal a la baron’s mirror and get separated from each other. They see themselves as they could have been, as they never should have become. And the real bad kids know they have to get away, to find each other because if one thing is made certain by these evil versions of themselves, it’s the fact that they are better together than they are alone.

Fig gets advantage because her nightmare was a watered down version of this evil self. Maybe she can get away from herself-or others, if we go with the idea that they and the evil bad kids switched lives-more easily as she’s done all the self reflection needed to realize the worst parts of herself and overcome them. Fabian, similarly, has a rough time but is more in touch with his insecurities now.

I’m imagining Riz and maybe Kristen or Adaine having the worst times. Riz because this is who he keeps saying he wants to be and yet it is so much worse than he could ever imagine. His northern wouldn’t be proud of this. Not this. Kristen may have advantage because she has Cassandra but if the switch to a new world or plain cuts her off from the goddex, she may have disadvantage: evil Kristen is who she could have been if she loved her family more, if she were more scared into her nightmare forest, if she’d never met tracker. Adaine sees her sister a la freshman year in her evil self and it is horrifying.

Gorgug, I think, is more horrified at this evil version being what his family always told his parents he would be than anything else. He may have an easier time rejecting this version as not real or not true because he has had to fight the racism and discrimination orcs are faced with every day. This version of him makes him sick to think that all those people may have been right but at the same time, his differences with feral Gorgug show him that isn’t true. He is more than they make him out to be. He is better than they say he can be.

And of course, the only way they could beat these evil bad kids is by coming together. They find each other and fight each other and they find home, yet again, in each other. Because being a bad kid does not mean you have to be a bad kid—it just means you’re family.

oh no i had a terrible thought at 1:57am last night

dark!bad kids

Bad kids who didn’t meet on the first day of freshman year. Who never ate ice cream at Basrar’s, never sat drunkenly in a circle at night and watched their lives become innately intertwined. Who never tracked down Kalvaxus, never killed him. Bad kids who didn’t find the comfort and love, reassurance and support they would’ve found in each other.

Give me bad kids who didn’t find each other until they were powerful, spiteful young adults full of years of hate and anger.

Give me rich rock star Fig, who never found her birth father. Who’s anger over all the lies consumed her, until there was nothing left but the craving for a crown. Who never opened up about her insecurities, never faced her fears of not being cool, funny, charismatic enough. Who never found the people that wanted Fig for herself. So she pinched and pulled at herself, until she became that person that crowds would idolise. A true rock star. And left herself behind. Launched herself into stardom, revelling in the cheering, the worship, the adoration. A Fig that grew to want fame, and only fame. To want the crown. A rich rock star Fig that fell into her persona a little too hard a little too quickly because no one was there to stop her and it just felt right.

Give me dark wizard Adaine, who never got away from her family. Who never found a new family that loved and cared for her, who never received support for her anxiety. Who is just so sick of being the runt, the weakling, the scapegoat. An Adaine who’s years of being abused, pushed around and broken by her family finally boiled over into a sea of raw, red-hot rage. Who got her first taste of dark magic at 16 and never looked back, flinging herself into ancient blood spells and horrific rituals with a fierce intensity, feeling the warm embrace of power. An Adaine who is merciless and power-hungry, and wants her family to pay the price.

Give me pirate king Fabian, who adored his father, glorified him, watched him write his name upon the world. And knew he could be more powerful than his father ever was. Who got better, faster at killing without a care, who didn’t plunge his sword into his father’s chest as an act of mercy, but rather in the dead of night before leaving everything behind to be more than his surname. A pirate king Fabian who’s control over the seas grew stronger and stronger, but will never be enough to satisfy him. And so he kept going, killing, conquering, fighting.

Give me intelligence agent Riz, who puts cold, hard truth before anything and everything else. Who never had friends, never had any comfort, any love. So he threw himself into his work, there’s no time to lament his lack of relationships when there’s so much to be done, right? Who thinks friends, dating are all distractions. A cold intelligence agent Riz, who loved nothing more than the soothing satisfaction of solving a case, and tossing the completed dossier onto the desk of a diplomat, ceo, politician. It didn’t matter who needed information, who needed truth, Riz supplied. The all-encompassing feeling of hidden power, as he watched his work take down nations. All from the safety of a figurehead’s shadow. The puppeteer of the world’s strings.

and i don’t really have any good ones for kristen and gorgug. I was thinking what if kristen, in her search for answers and a god to worship, started worshipping a dark deity that promised her happiness and acceptance. and in order to please the malevolent god, she must carry out their set tasks and do what they tell her to do, which would be Not Good things. but im not really sure. and i have no idea for gorgug. i was thinking about expanding on gorgug’s fears in the nightmare king’s forest about imposter syndrome, but i don’t really know what i would do for him.

anyway i’m sorry this is a wack ass idea but it was fun to write and yes i will be drawing my own au

#fantasy high: sophmore year #dimension 20 #fantasy high live #the bad kids #fig faeth #adaine abernant #fabian seacaster #riz gukgak #kristen applebees #gorgug thistlespring #fh #fhl #d20 #just me waxing poetic #my writing

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